Loves

I'm so stupid.
I honestly believed it.
I never learn from my mistakes.
The past wasn't supposed to repeat itself.
Especially not with you.

I remember the humid air. The fireflies. I remember the cold marble floor. The dark outline of your face. I remember choking back the tears. I remember exactly what I was wearing too. Jeans and my white hoodie. I remember everything. I remember the shouting and the slamming door. The little green light flickering in the corner of my eye. I remember the spacious gray auditorium. I remember the skit. I remember the look in her eyes. I remember how angry I was.

On one hand, I wish I didn't remember anything. My mind would be completely blank with no recollection of all the painful things that took place in that short period of time. But then on the other hand, if these memories were gone, I don't know what I would do. Because along with the horrible flash backs, come the good ones. Like the frisbees and the trees and the sleepovers and the laughs and the tickle fights and the couches.

But do the good things cancel out the bad?

That always seems to be the question: I see the good. I see the bad. But there always seems to be more bad than good.
Does that make me a pessimist. Or a realist?

I don't know. And frankly I don't really care.

I almost lost you. Now all I need is the security in knowing that you won't ever completely disappear from my life again...

NitiNil